Working on it...

I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. ~Theodore Isaac Rubin

        It's definitely a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I am becoming more and more confident with the person that I am with each passing day. But, it is still a struggle. With all the pressures that we face each waking day, it seems as if one would never really be content, let alone happy with the person they really are. In a society where we are told that we are not thin enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough, not rich enough.... we are never "enough".... how are we to really be happy with what we actually are? Walk into any book store and we are bombarded with self-help books. Books to help you lose weight. Books to help you get richer. Books to help you find books to become better. Don't get the wrong idea. I am a huge fan of books. I think educating yourself is definitely important. But I also think that if we are wanting to better ourselves, we should look inside at the people we really are. Look into your soul to see not just who you are today, but look at who you used to be and how far you have become. Instead of trying to become something that we are not, I think we should focus on looking deep and discovering the amazingness (yes, I just made that word up) that is inside of each of us. Time to take off the masks and become who we really are....

          One of the biggest things that I have an issue with accepting about myself, is how much I feel things. I am very in tune with my feelings. When I am happy, I am happy. When I am sad, I am sad. Don't try to tell me to hide how I feel. It just won't happen. I am not an actress, I am a writer. I can write what I feel, but I can't hide it. I am finally at the point in my life where I am deciding that it is ok to feel what you are feeling. In fact, it is better to actually feel what you are feeling then to try to hide it or deny it. Growing up I was always teased because I was "too sensitive". I HATED that about myself. I would sit there and think, "Jessica. Why do you have to care? Why can't you at least pretend not to care?" This was probably my biggest struggle growing up. But now, I am working really hard at remembering that just as my smiles are mine to use as I wish; my tears are my own as well. To be used when I need them. They aren't to be controlled or hidden out of fear of what other people might think/feel. I smile when I need to (and that's alot lately) and I cry when I need to. I am done beating up my soul to try and keep other people "comfortable". It always bothers me that you can be accused of being "selfish" for needing to take care of yourself... to better yourself... to help yourself. At the end of the day, as cliche' as it sounds you are the one you have to face in the mirror each morning. How much easier would your life be if you liked the true reflection of what you saw?

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle