I was laying in bed last night. I couldn't sleep. Wasn't in the mood to write. I just wanted to lay there and listen to the rain along with some of my favorite music. My pick for the night... a little James Morrison.
That man's voice melts me. I just love how smooth his voice is... gets to me every time. I was laying there with my eyes shut and all these memories kept running through my mind. Mainly memories of these past few years. Decisions that I have made... roads that I have taken... people I have let into my life. There were a few memories that my mind just wont let go of. I have tried to get over them... to put them aside... but no matter what, it always comes back. I started to get frustrated while I lay there. Why are these memories (some bitter sweet... and some sad) stuck inside my mind? I just kept thinking about how much easier life would be if I could just choose which memories to erase. If I could just take certain chapters from my life and totally wipe them away. Like they were never there... like they had never happened. Wouldn't it be amazing to just be able to pick through your memories like a folder on your computer... find the ones that you like and save them to the hard drive. And when you come across one that you don't like, just drag it to your trash bin. Never too be seen again. I just kept thinking about how awesome it would be if there were a delete button in life. You could delete memories... delete people from your life... how amazing that would be! Or would it?
As I lay there I just thinking about about the memories that I would like to delete from my life. With each memory that I selected to be deleted (if that were an option) it kept occurring to me that I learned something from many of them. While the experiences may have been painful or upsetting, the lessons that I took away from so many of these so called "deletable memories" will be with me forever. There are certain people that I let in to my life that hurt me and as much as I may want to delete them from my mind/memories sometimes, I have come to see that having them as a part of my life (in the back of my mind) is a good thing. I can use them as a guide as to what to watch out for in the future.
There are 2 people in general that if given the opportunity, I might be tempted to have their memories washed clean. But, even as I sit here and write this, I know that I wouldn't actually go through with it. As much as I would love to be able to not have to think about them, I am learning that being able to forgive someone (truly forgive) has almost the same affect. When you honestly forgive someone, you are wiping the slate clean. The memories may still be there, but the feelings that are attached with the memories disappear. I am still working on the whole forgiveness thing with these 2 people. It's a hard thing to do when you are faced with a person who once played a very significant role in your life. But, that is what life is about... learning and moving forward.
Always Blushing,
♥
Jessica Michelle
