I'm...

"I’m a slut because i’ll wear shorts and a tank top. I’m a bitch because i don’t let you push me around. I’m a liar because i won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes i’m wrong. I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect. I’m a whore because i like boys. I’m annoying because i’m not chill enough. I’m a loser because i’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because most of the time i’m happy. I’m weird because i’m not like you. I’m controlling because i get mad. Sometimes i’m clingy because i like being around people. I’m greedy because i like to be satisfied. I’m naive because i’m younger than you. I’m conceited because i’m proud of who i am. I’m rude because my manners aren’t perfect. I’m unappreciative because i don’t praise you. Don’t tell me who i am because i already know."

I saw this online tonight and I couldn't stop myself from posting this. More to come later...

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

Erase it?

I was laying in bed last night. I couldn't sleep. Wasn't in the mood to write. I just wanted to lay there and listen to the rain along with some of my favorite music. My pick for the night... a little James Morrison.

 That man's voice melts me. I just love how smooth his voice is... gets to me every time. I was laying there with my eyes shut and all these memories kept running through my mind. Mainly memories of these past few years. Decisions that I have made... roads that I have taken... people I have let into my life. There were a few memories that my mind just wont let go of. I have tried to get over them... to put them aside... but no matter what, it always comes back. I started to get frustrated while I lay there. Why are these memories (some bitter sweet... and some sad) stuck inside my mind? I just kept thinking about how much easier life would be if I could just choose which memories to erase. If I could just take certain chapters from my life and totally wipe them away. Like they were never there... like they had never happened. Wouldn't it be amazing to just be able to pick through your memories like a folder on your computer... find the ones that you like and save them to the hard drive. And when you come across one that you don't like, just drag it to your trash bin. Never too be seen again. I just kept thinking about how awesome it would be if there were a delete button in life. You could delete memories... delete people from your life... how amazing that would be! Or would it?
      As I lay there I just thinking about about the memories that I would like to delete from my life. With each memory that I selected to be deleted (if that were an option) it kept occurring to me that I learned something from many of them. While the experiences  may have been painful or upsetting, the lessons that I took away from so many of these so called "deletable memories" will be with me forever. There are certain people that I let in to my life that hurt me and as much as I may want to delete them from my mind/memories sometimes, I have come to see that having them as a part of my life (in the back of my mind) is a good thing. I can use them as a guide as to what to watch out for in the future.
        There are 2 people in general that if given the opportunity, I might be tempted to have their memories washed clean. But, even as I sit here and write this, I know that I wouldn't actually go through with it.  As much as I would love to be able to not have to think about them, I am learning that being able to forgive someone (truly forgive) has almost the same affect. When you honestly forgive someone, you are wiping the slate clean. The memories may still be there, but the feelings that are attached with the memories disappear. I am still working on the whole forgiveness thing with these 2 people. It's a hard thing to do when you are faced with a person who once played a very significant role in your life. But, that is what life is about... learning and moving forward.

Always Blushing,
♥
Jessica Michelle

So... I love to Tumble...

A newly acquired addiction... I love to Tumble. Check me out...
http://jessicagoetke.tumblr.com/

Trust.

           So, these past few days I have been in a bit of a funk. A little sad. A little hurt. And I just haven't been able to shake this feeling. As the world knows, Jessica wears her heart on her sleeve. Happy. Sad. Angry. Excited. I have a hard time covering up my feelings. In fact, I HATE covering up my feelings. There is no point to it. Why cover up what you feel in your heart. I used to live my life with a smile plastered on my face no matter what I was feeling. I was trying to cover up the sadness and the pain that I was feeling inside. Well, I didn't realize it back then, but people could see right passed that smile. They could see right through it and could see the pain in my eyes. The only thing that that fake smile gave me was more heartache. I have sense decided that there is absolutely NO sense in hiding what you are feeling.
       So.... back to my point, lol. I have been feeling a bit blah these past few days. And I haven't really known how to deal with it. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in focusing on what we want/need in life and we forget to focus on the amazing things that we do have. And, even if we are focusing on what we have, it can still be hard to get those other thoughts out of our mind. (Wow. That was a long sentance... hope it made sense!)
        Tonight I was reminded by my 2 year old Melanie about trust. We were playing a game were she would walk backwards and she would just fall backwards and I would catch her. She never doubted that I would catch her. She never looked back to make sure I was still there. She never second guessed that I would be there to make sure she didn't fall. And even after the times when she walked a little off course and almost missed my lap, she would still get right back up and do it all over again. She TOTALLY trusted that I would be there for her and that I wouldn't let her fall.
      And as I was sitting on the floor playing with my baby it hit me. Where have I been putting my faith lately? Who or what have I been trusting my life/heart with? I am a spiritual person. I believe in God. But I have not been putting all my trust in him lately. And if I could just trust  God and remember that as amazing as the plans are that I have set in life, his plans for me are so much GREATER... if I could just remember that on a daily basis... well, there would be a far less amount of heart ache and disappointment in my life. Don't get me wrong... I am a firm believer in following ones dreams... in not just shooting for the moon, but landing on it and claiming a piece of it for myself. But, I also try to remember when things don't go exactly how I want them to, that God must have something equally if not better planned for me. It's hard, especially when I really have my heart set on something... but I KNOW in the long run... his plans for my heart are so much greater than my own.

Always Blushing,
♥
Jessica Michelle

"Don't Label Me... I am an original." by Jessica Michelle (me)

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I have given up being

what you've wanted to see.

A work in progress

I'm ok with that

Dreams over flowing

and giving none back.

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I am an original.

Don't label me.

Fought too long

to let my soul fly free.

Yes, I put it out there,

open your eyes to see

my heart in the sky

thats where it'll always be

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

Plenty before

but none like me.

Quiet on the outside

screaming from within

a pure heart of love

but yes, I still sin

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

Never giving up hope

of what has yet to be.

I dream with eyes open

beauty fills my soul

patience and a calm hand

all the while out of control

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

Super Quick Blog.... What's On My Mind....

Whats On My Mind

My babies Ashleigh and Melanie

My books

the beach

Watermelon

smiles

You

Aerosmith Concert

the weekend

Friday night

Red Bull

dinner

my sisters

sleep

nail polish

work

a few tears

more smiles

some questions you've left me with

sunshine

rain storms

nights under the stars

a midnight swim, yet to happen

the truth

blah.

Lot's on my mind today, and thats not even the start.... I think tonight needs to be dedicated to some writing.

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

Train - Hey Soul Sister

This song makes me think of my Ashleigh. She is almost 5 and has the most AMAZING memory when it comes to songs. She loves this song and will beg me to play it everyday!! She sings and dances to this song while Melanie, my almost 2 year old, dances. Ugh, they are THE most amazing part of my life!!!! ♥ them!





Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle