Trust.

           So, these past few days I have been in a bit of a funk. A little sad. A little hurt. And I just haven't been able to shake this feeling. As the world knows, Jessica wears her heart on her sleeve. Happy. Sad. Angry. Excited. I have a hard time covering up my feelings. In fact, I HATE covering up my feelings. There is no point to it. Why cover up what you feel in your heart. I used to live my life with a smile plastered on my face no matter what I was feeling. I was trying to cover up the sadness and the pain that I was feeling inside. Well, I didn't realize it back then, but people could see right passed that smile. They could see right through it and could see the pain in my eyes. The only thing that that fake smile gave me was more heartache. I have sense decided that there is absolutely NO sense in hiding what you are feeling.
       So.... back to my point, lol. I have been feeling a bit blah these past few days. And I haven't really known how to deal with it. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in focusing on what we want/need in life and we forget to focus on the amazing things that we do have. And, even if we are focusing on what we have, it can still be hard to get those other thoughts out of our mind. (Wow. That was a long sentance... hope it made sense!)
        Tonight I was reminded by my 2 year old Melanie about trust. We were playing a game were she would walk backwards and she would just fall backwards and I would catch her. She never doubted that I would catch her. She never looked back to make sure I was still there. She never second guessed that I would be there to make sure she didn't fall. And even after the times when she walked a little off course and almost missed my lap, she would still get right back up and do it all over again. She TOTALLY trusted that I would be there for her and that I wouldn't let her fall.
      And as I was sitting on the floor playing with my baby it hit me. Where have I been putting my faith lately? Who or what have I been trusting my life/heart with? I am a spiritual person. I believe in God. But I have not been putting all my trust in him lately. And if I could just trust  God and remember that as amazing as the plans are that I have set in life, his plans for me are so much GREATER... if I could just remember that on a daily basis... well, there would be a far less amount of heart ache and disappointment in my life. Don't get me wrong... I am a firm believer in following ones dreams... in not just shooting for the moon, but landing on it and claiming a piece of it for myself. But, I also try to remember when things don't go exactly how I want them to, that God must have something equally if not better planned for me. It's hard, especially when I really have my heart set on something... but I KNOW in the long run... his plans for my heart are so much greater than my own.

Always Blushing,
♥
Jessica Michelle