No longer afraid to get my feet a little wet...

             For the longest time I was really afraid to put my all into certain things. I knew there was the possibility of failing; there is always the possibility of failing. And I was ok with that. I was never worried about how my failing at something  in life would affect the way I felt about myself. I was worried about how my failing in life would affect how other people would see me. I was worried about how if I gave it my all, and I still didn't succeed, well, what would people think? So, what did Jessica have a habit of doing? I would either, a) give up early or b) keep going but obviously not put my all into it. I am not sure why I thought looking "lazy" to people was better than actually trying and "failing". But, in my mind it was. Looking back, I think it had something to do with the fact that, if I was just being "lazy", then I could change. There was a possibility that I could change things... I could do better. But, if I had been giving it my all the whole time, well, then I really was a failure in their eyes. So many things wrong with that way of thinking. Seriously! I have, or at I am trying to eliminate the word "failure". To me, "failure" means over... out of options. And, I am at the point in life where I believe that until I am gone from the face of this Earth, well, I will never again let myself think that I am out of options. If I put my all into something, and it doesn't work out how I would like, well, lesson learned. Now I know what not to try next time. I can take that experience and build off of it.
            It can become so easy to get trapped up inside a ball of you "failures" in life. It can become so easy to give up when you look at it as a failure, instead of looking at it like a lesson learned. And, let me just say, that I am so glad not just for myself, but for the world around me, that I no longer think like that. Ok, taking a step back. That sounds a little high and mighty... it sounds a little full of myself. And, honestly, maybe it is a little. BUT one thing that I have FORCED myself to see in life is my worth. I am an amazing person. I have so much talent inside of me screaming to get out. I have so much to offer the world. And, yes, maybe that does sound a bit like I am full of myself. But, I have come to realize that the more you support yourself and your efforts in life, the more faith you put in yourself, the more you TRULY, HONESTLY, and SINCERELY believe in yourself, the more other people with have faith and belief in you. I am in no way saying that I am better than anyone else out there.   I am just saying that I am the best ME that I can be at this point in my life. I have come to realize (and maybe it is a little late in life to realize this, but better late than never) that giving something your all and not "succeeding" doesn't mean that you failed. In my eyes, it means that as long as I don't give up, I am one step closer to my goal. Because, when you give something your all; when you really put your heart into something you learn a little more about yourself. I know I have said it before, and I will say it again, last year was a year of many lessons. Lessons about life. Lessons about love. Lessons about loss, about doubt and fear. Lessons about my heart.
                   And, I think that the lessons that I learned about my heart were definitely the most important. In my mind, everything stems from the heart. I live more by my heart, than I do my mind. I have learned to trust my heart and my soul. When I look back at life and think about things that led me to heartache or things that just didn't work out right, I noticed a pattern. I wasn't trusting my heart the way I should have been. I spent many years quieting my heart because listening to your heart wasn't "logical"... it didn't "make sense". Well, do you know what I have discovered?!?!? There are a great many times when I am NOT logical. There are a great many times when I don't make sense. But, that is me. And, there is only one person in the world who gets the chance to be me... and it's me! So, why waste it? God knew what he was doing when he created me. He knew what he was doing when he was creating each of us. Sure, lets do things to make sure that we can be the best that we can be... stay healthy, read good books, do things to work on your soul, pray, love, laugh... LIVE.... But, remember... always remember, there is SO much good inside each of us.
                 There are so many amazing things screaming to be let loose from inside of us. And we have 3 choices in life. We can quite, hide, or set free these amazing things. If you quite them for too long, they might disappear. If you continue to hide them, they might end up being buried too deep to find. BUT.... if you set them free... if you set free to all of the world these amazing things that ARE a part of you, well, then you will TRULY be able to celebrate and believe in the amazing person that YOU are. Because we are all AMAZING. And, if as a world, we were able to really see the beauty inside each of us... if we were really able to see the amazing things that each one of us has to offer... well, what an amazing world that would be. Can you imagine what our world would look like if instead of focusing on how someone looks we focused on how we look at each other. Instead of focusing on how wealthy a person is, we focus on the gold that is buried inside each of us. Instead of focusing on what kind of car someone drives, we focus on what really drives us in life. What kind of world would we live in if we did everything from the heart? If we thought about what would make us happy in our hearts, not in our hands. Money gets spent. Cars breakdown. But, friends get you through the dark moments in life. Love ignites your soul to do more. True happiness... well, that opens your world to an amazing amount of bliss.
        I am living in a world of smiles lately and completely ♥ ing it. I am smiling for a few reasons. One of the reasons that I have an almost constant smile on my face is because I have finally realized just how much I ♥ not only getting my feet wet, but dancing in the rain. I ♥ feeling the way I do. I ♥ being me... the real me. The me whole is a self proclaimed dork. The me who wears her heart on her sleeve. The me who has not and will not EVER give up on l ♥ ve. The me that is, well, the me that is ME!  

Always Blushing,
♥
Jessica