"Lost For So Long" by Jessica Michelle

Lost for so long

fighting to get me back

walking around 

nothing kept me on track

hand over my eyes

not a sight worth seeing

laughing on the outside

to hide my true being

walking around

so aimlessly

reaching from the inside

grasping to find me...

lost in a world

of total confusion

hypocrisy and lies

a state of illusion

true to myself

i am once more

if its not what you like

then theres the door

heads on straight

heart of a child

eyes to the lord

my hearts gone wild

figuring myself out

not a moment too soon

push away the fairytales

there's just no more room

push it all away

bring reality back to me

open to it now

my hearts been set free 

freedom to breath

just give me my time

a blessing... a curse

either way its a sign

I've come back to me

I've gotten what's mine

living a life of my own

Since when is that a crime?

Always Blushing

♥

Jessica Michelle

11 things...

Today is 1/11/11. Make a wish! I am at work on my lunch, but got the sudden urge to write but nothing is really coming out. So, here are 11 things that are on my mind today....

1. My new tattoo. I just got this on Saturday, 

and I am already wanting more. 

There is a lot of meaning behind this tattoo

(a blog about it will follow soon, lol)

2. My babies. Missing my girls alot. Wishing I could see them

more than I do, but I know that all this working will

pay off soon and I will be able to do

all that I want for them. 

 

3. Sisters. Wow, it is so easy to get caught up in life

and all of its stresses. Thank God for sisters who help

keep you grounded and love you no matter what. Wish I could

see my other 2 sisters more....

 

4.  Friends. I have been so blessed by God with

amazing friends who see me for me

and don't try to change me. I am forever thankful <3

 

5. Smiles. There have been so many lately.

For many different reasons. And I am loving

all of them.

 

6. My birthday. Another year older... still so 

much I want to accomplish. Planning on making my 28th year 

the best yet!

 

7. CHICAGO! I am so ready to get away

for a few days. And to be going with

one of my best friends... PERFECT!

 

8. Writing. It has been far too long since I have 

written anything I was really happy with.

I think it is time to change that.

 

9. Me. I have a lot on my mind lately.... decisions to make....

So many different paths ahead, not quite sure which

ones to take and which ones to avoid. 

 

10. IWIKWYWT. IHBHTMTTRT. 

AIARATYAGTHM. LEINIYA.

 (it's been on my mind so much, too personal

to speak of outloud....)

 

11. Red Bull. Come on. You had to have seen that one

coming. I need a Red Bull right now. 

 

So much on my mind. So much to think about. Life is awesome. Life is crazy. Life is stressful. Life is life.

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

Thought of the Day...

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back." ~Unknown

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

Working on it...

I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. ~Theodore Isaac Rubin

        It's definitely a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I am becoming more and more confident with the person that I am with each passing day. But, it is still a struggle. With all the pressures that we face each waking day, it seems as if one would never really be content, let alone happy with the person they really are. In a society where we are told that we are not thin enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough, not rich enough.... we are never "enough".... how are we to really be happy with what we actually are? Walk into any book store and we are bombarded with self-help books. Books to help you lose weight. Books to help you get richer. Books to help you find books to become better. Don't get the wrong idea. I am a huge fan of books. I think educating yourself is definitely important. But I also think that if we are wanting to better ourselves, we should look inside at the people we really are. Look into your soul to see not just who you are today, but look at who you used to be and how far you have become. Instead of trying to become something that we are not, I think we should focus on looking deep and discovering the amazingness (yes, I just made that word up) that is inside of each of us. Time to take off the masks and become who we really are....

          One of the biggest things that I have an issue with accepting about myself, is how much I feel things. I am very in tune with my feelings. When I am happy, I am happy. When I am sad, I am sad. Don't try to tell me to hide how I feel. It just won't happen. I am not an actress, I am a writer. I can write what I feel, but I can't hide it. I am finally at the point in my life where I am deciding that it is ok to feel what you are feeling. In fact, it is better to actually feel what you are feeling then to try to hide it or deny it. Growing up I was always teased because I was "too sensitive". I HATED that about myself. I would sit there and think, "Jessica. Why do you have to care? Why can't you at least pretend not to care?" This was probably my biggest struggle growing up. But now, I am working really hard at remembering that just as my smiles are mine to use as I wish; my tears are my own as well. To be used when I need them. They aren't to be controlled or hidden out of fear of what other people might think/feel. I smile when I need to (and that's alot lately) and I cry when I need to. I am done beating up my soul to try and keep other people "comfortable". It always bothers me that you can be accused of being "selfish" for needing to take care of yourself... to better yourself... to help yourself. At the end of the day, as cliche' as it sounds you are the one you have to face in the mirror each morning. How much easier would your life be if you liked the true reflection of what you saw?

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

"Don't Label Me... I am an original." by Jessica Michelle

I know I have posted this before... but it is just something that I needed to hear again...

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I have given up being

what you've wanted to see.

A work in progress

I'm ok with that

Dreams over flowing

and giving none back.

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I am an original.

Don't label me.

Fought too long

to let my soul fly free.

Yes, I put it out there,

open your eyes to see

my heart in the sky

thats where it'll always be

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

Plenty before

but none like me.

Quiet on the outside

screaming from within

a pure heart of love

but yes, I still sin

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

Never giving up hope

of what has yet to be.

I dream with eyes open

beauty fills my soul

patience and a calm hand

all the while out of control

I am an original. 

Don't label me.

Always Blushing,

♥

Jessica Michelle

Love it...

"If you want more love, why don't you say so..."

What would happen if instead of bringing negative attention to ourselves by throwing out hate, we requested love in life? Instead of holding on to anger and heartache, we only spoke of laughter and love. What would happen if we lived a life of love, instead of a life of anger?

Just a thought...

Always Blushing

♥

Jessica Michelle

2011... I am more than ready for you.

            Living my life with eyes wide shut (wait... that was a movie, wasn't it?). Trying so hard to get it all done at once. It's exhausting. But, there are very few things that I would change. I have all these amazing ideas running around through my head and I just can't wait to share them with the world. But, I think it is time that I take a step back and re-focus. Find a starting point. Until I do that, I won't be able to get to the finish line. BUT at the same time I can't get these ideas out of my head... here are just a few things that I am working on....

* more children' books
* young adult novel
* development of my scrapbooking tool
* creating handcrafted journals
* poetry book
* "top-secret" children's product
* fix up this blog

          And so much more. But these are the top on my list. I want to do it all. Right now. Lol, I just need to remind myself that it will all happen when it supposed to. I just need to keep putting my heart into what I am working on, and I know beauty will develop. At the end of the day, that is all I can really control; how much of myself I put into something.
         There was a point in my life when I would put ALL of me into other people and what they needed. I lost who I was. After leaving that situation and moving on, I got to a point where I was putting ALL of me into myself. I ended up losing touch with many important people. But, it was something I needed to do for myself. To heal my heart. To move past and break through certain barriers that I had set up for myself. In doing this, I let certain people into my life who really had no right to be there. Doesn't really make sense when I say it out loud with writing out the whole story... you will just have to trust me. There will be times when you need someone who is SO completely wrong for you in your life, so that you can see and really appreciate the right thing when it comes along.
        As for this moment in time... life is crazy, amazing, busy, quiet, loud, stressful and beautiful. I am just taking it one day at a time... and I love it.

Always Blushing,
♥
Jessica